The Puppet
by Sanji
Summary: The first part of the Lost Time Trilogy: A high school student named Kit is attacking the Animorphs. Is she doing it of her own free will, or is there something more sinister behind her actions?


_Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Animorphs stories. Those belong to K. A. Applegate and Scholastic. The characters of Kit and Jared are my own creation, and I would prefer it if they were only used with my permission. The concepts of the Laman and the Antrim may be used as long as you credit me. Andalites, Yeerks, morphing, and all the rest of it belong to KA._

This section is dedicated to the real Jared.

The Lost Time Trilogy

Part One: The Puppet

1

I'm Kit. Only Kit. I sometimes go by a last name, but I'm not going to mention it, even here. This unit, I think, is secure, but I'm not going to take any risks.

I frankly don't know how I got this device. It was with my stuff when they found me in the woods three years ago. One of the five or so things that they found in the pouch three years ago, lying next to my unconscious body, it was something that should have been taken from me long ago. 

This is a warning to any person- any Andalite that I have chosen to give my password- who can open this. 

I know who the Animorphs are. I know that they are humans, except for the Andalite with them. And I know that I am a puppet, ruled by an evil puppet-master_. _The _Antrim_. Or, rather, an Antrim, which I can only deduce is the enemy of the mythical Ellimist. The Devil made me do it. El Gato. Satan.

It told me everything that it knows about the Animorphs. It has threatened me with my past. It can control my mind and body. But it can't keep me from using this. It can't get me to tell the Yeerks, because that would be cheating. That wouldn't serve it's purpose. It wants me to suffer. It wants me to weep for the knowledge that I have acquired.

I know my past. Who my father is. What he is now. And how I came here.

I am a _nothlit._ A non-human _nothlit_. A Laman.

The Laman used to live on Earth. Then they left. Today's stories of vampires come from them. We need blood, but we are not Taxxon.

What do I mean, _we_? I'm not one of them. I'm an Andalite. I was one for most of my life.

I don't need blood, but I'm still stronger than a human. Stronger than most animals, even. And I _look_ completely human.

In fact, I didn't know that I wasn't human until about a week ago.

Now I guess it doesn't matter. Because I have to do things. . .chores. . .

I really hate this.

A lot.

And I can't do a thing about it.

The Antrim, my master, had quite a first job; I broke into Marco's house.

The window wasn't locked. At least, to _me_ it wasn't locked.

I was wearing a black shirt, jeans, black boots, and a face wrap. My hair and face were both hidden. And I was carrying a sword, which was incongruous with the rest of my attire. I looked ridiculous, but, actually, I can swordfight fairly well.

When I opened the window, I heard him stir. I gained control over myself for just that moment; I made myself freeze. It didn't last long. The Antrim stopped fooling around and made me do it.

"Marco," I whispered.

He opened his eyes and jumped three feet into the air.

"Who are _you_?"

It didn't let me reply. Instead, I slashed at his neck. Missed, by a quarter inch! Thank God.

He ran to the door and locked it. Then he began to morph.

Looked like a monkey. No, a gorilla. I leaned against the door-frame, waiting for him to finish. I even let him pick me up with one fist.

Then, cleanly, I opened his hand and made him set me down.

He pushed me against the wall.

My lips made me speak words that I would never say- "Andalite-serving scum."

His fist flew at me, but I was too fast. He missed.

_No! NO! Stop it!!!!_

**You would like that, wouldn't you?**

Yes!! I HATE YOU!!!!! You're making me betray-

**Silence! Or I will make you kill him!**

I stopped screaming. I couldn't risk Marco's life. The Antrim stopped moving my body, too. But it moved my lips.

"We will meet again, filth."

I jumped out the window and left. Then I got control over myself. 

I ran away, went home. Went to sleep.

2

I have another life, outside of the Yeerks and the otherworldly powers, with a boyfriend, school. Parents. It's a normal, seemingly safe, life; a life that I could have been content with.

Could have been. I never will be. I now know more about math and science than my teachers, I've lost all interest in school, and my boyfriend is a Controller.

I have to find a reason to break up with him. Soon. After I meet his brother.

Tom's brother, Jake, is the leader of the Animorphs. Tom is a fairly high-ranking Controller. To me, he is the enemy, a prop that I can use. To him, I'm a prospective host.

He's tried to get me to join the Sharing before. I went to two meetings before denouncing it as a happy, peppy cult.

He got mad at me for that. Told me not to knock what I didn't understand.

I just told him, hey, if I don't want to join, I don't want to join. And besides, I was too busy. I had speech and art club and volleyball to worry about. I didn't need another meeting after school.

He said that he was okay with that, but, still kept on trying to get me to join. We've been going out for about three months.

For the past week, I've known about him. 

Now he's trying to get me a job at a McDonald's, one run entirely by Yeerks. I haven't said anything. Part of me wants him to blow his cover and give me an excuse to attack. To kill the Yeerk in his head.

Violence does that to you. It makes you emotional and impulsive, or else it hollows you out and makes you a shell of what you used to be. It might not be the violence that makes me want to kill Tom's jailer, though. It could just be me. I don't love him, I don't think, but I like him. As a person. I like the facade that the Yeerk puts up, and I must assume that it resembles the true Tom. It might not be impulse at all.

But it probably is. My entire family was impulsive. Reckless, even. Moody, definitely. Even before the Antrim showed up, I was classified by the social worker at my school as "manic-depressive," because my emotions and concerns change as often as the wind. I am a happy person, and a brooding witch.

Lately, though, I'm usually brooding. The happiness has become an act.

It was no surprise that I blew up at Tom that afternoon, not after what happened at Marco's house.

He asked me to join The Sharing. Again. I told him that I wasn't interested. Again. But he kept on pestering me. He told me that it was for my own good, and, finally, I just yelled at him.

"I don't care about your stupid group! I don't care how much you like it; you don't need to shove it down _my_ throat. Because, in case you haven't noticed, I'm sick of hearing about it!"

"Listen, I'm sorry. But if you just try being a full member, even for a week, it'll change your life."

"Yeah, whatever," I mumbled, and left. 

It was only just before seventh period, so I ended up cutting study hall and biology. Not like my parents- no, the people I lived with, there was a difference- would really care. To them, I was just a tax deduction.

I went down to the woods to think. It was very calm, very peaceful. Just what I needed. Even the heavy rain didn't bother me very much. I found it cleansing, spiritual. It brought back memories of the world I'd left behind. 

But the memories were twisted. Wrong. And I felt that it was my fault. I felt that there was a stain, a mark, a darkness around me that I could not remove. Something unforgivable, set in stone that I couldn't hope to change.

I imagined that the cool, clear rain was washing me, baptizing me into a world of goodness and light. I knew that it was a delusion. I knew that I'd done something wrong.

I didn't know what, and I really didn't care. There were more important things to worry about. I couldn't dwell on the past, on my forsaken world. I would leave that to the people there, to my former people.

I didn't need a baptism; I needed a miracle. I had to provide one for myself. I had to learn as much as I could.

Sighing, and wiping the rain from my face, I looked at my watch. Classes had started, and I could walk around without fear of being caught. By the school, that is.

I decided to spy on Jake. I could find an excuse for being at Tom's house. Maybe I could find some way to warn them. Or even talk to the one Andalite, and ask if my mother-

_No getting emotional here. _I thought to myself. _Just control it_.

I walked to his house and stood outside the window. I could hear inside. He was in there with Marco. They were testing a new morph. Tom was at the Sharing, so it'd be safe. . .

But Tom wasn't at the Sharing; it was canceled!

Sure enough, I could also hear him in the house. He must have gotten there before I had, but after Jake and Marco.

They were halfway done with the morph.

Tom started knocking.

"Jake! Are you in there?"

He was banging on the door. 

"I have the key, and I'm going to open it!"

3

I ran to the front door and rang the doorbell.

He hesitated. Then he walked down the stairs and opened the door.

"Kit! You're soaked!"

"Yeah. I lost my house key and didn't want to wait outside until someone gets home. Is it all right if I crash here?" I gave him my best self-depreciating smile, and hoped that he'd buy it.

"Uh. . . sure. If you don't mind my dorky little brother stopping by."

"No problem," I said, laughing as Jake and Marco came down the stairs. "Here they are now."

Tom looked at them. "What, were you guys dead in there? I was banging on the door, and you didn't answer.."

Jake replied, "We were ignoring you."

"Duh," Marco added thoughtfully.

Tom shrugged. "Whatever. Hey, Marco, you haven't met Kit yet, have you?" Tom smiled, and I groaned inwardly; yeah, we'd met. I just hoped that Marco didn't remember.

"Wooo-oo! Lover-boy's got a girlfriend," Marco crooned. Jake laughed half-heartedly. He probably thought that I was a Controller. 

"Gee, nice to meet you too," I replied.

Marco just looked at me strangely. He probably remembered my voice, but couldn't place it. Then he shook his head very slightly, shrugging off the thought-twinge.

"Well, we've gotta go. See ya later!" Jake said hurriedly, practically dragging Marco behind him.

"Wait! Was Homer in there with you? I didn't see him when I came home."

"No, he's at the vet. Mom took him."

They left through the back door.

Tom and I talked for a bit. I apologized for yelling at him, but made it absolutely clear that I wasn't going to join The Sharing. He seemed to accept it, and we made up just as it stopped raining and the sky cleared.

"Tom?" I said, interrupting our reconciliation "My dad's probably home now. He's going to wonder where I am. I'd better go."

"You're sure?"

"Yes. He worries a lot." I tilted my head and smiled at him, cursed at him mentally. "Later."

Much later.

3

Last night was my second job. This time it was Jake's house, the home I'd been in not even a day before. Tom's home.

It was even easier than Marco's had been. Sometime that afternoon, the Antrim had me swipe a key. I didn't remember doing it, didn't even know I had it until I was climbing out my window with it in my hand, then arriving and placing it in the keyhole of the front door. I was unaware of my treachery, and disgusted by my ability to betray people, and not even know it.

I unlocked the door and went up the stairs to Jake's room. Nobody woke up. I guess if the Antrim wanted it that way, they could sleep through world war three.

I opened his door and went into his room, my brain working at a mile a minute.

My memory wasn't perfect; I wasn't sure of what I was capable as an Andalite, as a Laman, and as a cruel mixture of both. I searched my brain frantically for information.

The blade pressed against the side of Jake's throat.

"Wake up," I hissed.

He woke up, and nearly impaled himself on my sword. I cringed inwardly.

Could I thought-speak? Could I warn him? Could I tell him-

He dodged away from the blade, and dashed to the other side of the room.

I swiped at him, I drew blood. Not too much. Not enough.

Disgusting, my lust.

If I could just warn him, or. . .

If I could get him to kill me. . . it would be over. No more evil deeds, no more terrible thoughts, no more twisted memories, no more betrayal, and no more danger. Only nothingness.

He took a swipe at me. I dodged.

I had to warn him, had to speak to him, somehow.

"Try and fight me, Animorph."

_If you don't stop this, I'll find some way to kill you_.

**_You couldn't._**

I'll find a way. Or I'll kill the Vissers. Visser Three first.

****

You are just a puppet. You can't do anything without me. You can't understand my motives. You. Are. Nobody.

I felt white-hot fury rise in me, taking me over.

Jake was about to morph, and that would be suicide, because I had the Devil on my side.

I had to warn him. . .

Jake, just go out the window! It won't make me chase you. Trust me, I know its- no!

My head started burning inside, like someone starting a fire. Jake must have seen it in my eyes, it was so bright.

I didn't care. I had control, some control. I could get out of there.

It wont make me chase you. Get out! Don't morph- run!

I tried to draw the blade to my throat. I couldn't get my arm close enough.

I was going to be stuck doing this forever.

**_I told you. You can't escape me. I am EVERYWHERE._**

We'll see.

Without saying another word, I walked towards the door. Then the Antrim, controlling my body once again, made me speak to him. Thought-speak.

Your secret isn't safe, Animorph. Someone knows.

I walked back down the stairs, afraid that I would have to do this again the next night. Would it be Cassie? Rachel? Tobias or the Andalite in the woods?

Who would I hurt next?

I felt like garbage.

I was garbage.

4

The next day was Saturday, a day without school; I was able to sleep for more than a few hours. When I woke up, Charles, my foster father, was shaking me awake.

"It's eleven-thirty. Get up. We're having company."

"Unngh."

"Lauren called. Why don't you go over to her house?" The not-so-subtle ploy to get me out of the house before the socialites arrived.

"Yeah, okay. Just give me time to get out of the house. I'll use the back window if I take too long." My upper lip rose slightly in anger, in contempt.

He looked like he wanted to slap me, but he can be arrested for that. He left, instead.

Angrily, I got out of bed and slammed the door behind him. I hate my foster parents. They are snobby, so pretentious. They hate me because I won't wear designer gowns and talk with a snooty accent.

They didn't take me in out of compassion. They took me in because it looked good, because it gave them a tax deduction. 

Their names are Charles (the third!) and Judith. Not Chuck or Charlie and Judy, but Charles and Judith. And they named me Catherine Louise. They don't call me Kit. It's always Catherine Louise.

I knew I had to get out of there before someone came over. Otherwise, I would have to play the piano for them. That's the only cultured, presentable thing I do.

I put on my jeans and my T-shirt, walked into the bathroom, got ready, and left. I didn't look particularly bad, or particularly great, but I didn't care. I wasn't worried about fashion.

You can't run in platforms. You can't fight in a dress.

My final touch was the wooden dagger hidden in my boot. I always use a wooden one when it's day- many places have metal detectors.

I had to carry one; the threat of a fight was always above me. It makes me sick, sometimes. I never thought that I could hurt anyone, before. Now, I thought as the outside breeze brushed past my face, hurting was all I could do.

I went out the window easily and headed towards Lauren's house, making sure to stop at Tom's first. Tom was both home and awake, and Jake was at Marco's. Or Cassie's. Or Rachel's. Telling them all about me. . .

I didn't stay long.

When I arrived at Lauren's house, she welcomed me inside, offered me a snack, and escorted me into the den. We sat there, and exchanged gossip. Who was dating whom, which teacher just got fired for what, what Ophelia Jones did with Ray LaGuardia over the weekend. . .

My old life; gossip, tabloids, and a Saturday afternoon spent eating Cheetos at my best friends house. We used to tell each other everything, but, now, I could tell her nothing.

I didn't know if she was a Controller. I didn't think she was, but I couldn't be sure. I couldn't trust the person who'd set me up with the right people on my first day of school, and who never told anyone what I really thought of them.

"Is something wrong? I heard that you and Tom had a fight. Is everything all right?"

I found myself jerked back into reality. 

"No. Yeah. Everything's all right. We made up after school."

"Completely made up?" She raised her eyebrows and grinned.

"Oh, yeah." I laughed despite myself. "Completely."

"Good. Because everyone's kind of at the mall, and I'm kind of supposed to go there. . . and bring you if I can. . .so can I?"

I sighed, smiling. "Sure."

The mall was a public place. Nothing too bad could happen in a public place. Tom couldn't make a scene in a public place.

I couldn't get to Jake through Tom; that much was obvious. Tom was a liability. I had to break it off.

5

We arrived at the mall quickly, without incident. Lauren asked me several times if I was "okay." I shrugged and said that I wasn't really sure, and asked her to leave it at that. She did, and changed the subject to whether Anna was going to go. . .

It was shallow conversation, but it was enough. I didn't mind being shallow. I was shallow before. This was a comfort zone, and I needed comfort. I needed comfort so badly. 

There wasn't any comfort, though. There was only quiet, and there was only noise. There was only the calm before the storm.

We sat at a table in the food court, eating burgers and fries, shakes and salads. I asked Tom if we could have a moment alone, and he obliged. Leaving our trays behind, we moved to a table halfway across the court.

"Tom. . . I know that you're a nice guy, and I know that you're great but. . .I mean. . .it's just not working."

"It's not?"

"It's not." I said. "I don't really know how to make it work. I don't think that it can. We're into different things, you know. And, I mean, we can still be friends right?" I half-smiled. I tried to look sad. I tried to mask my relief.

"This is about The Sharing, isn't it? Listen, I'm not going to make you do anything that you don't want to do. If you want to join, that's cool, and, if you don't, that's fine."

_That's fine, you'll just take me by force, you stupid, filthy-_ I stopped my mental rant before it reached my mouth, while clenching and unclenching my fists in tightly controlled anger. Unnecessary anger.

"It isn't that, really, it isn't. I just don't feel anything. I don't have a reason to stay, or to go."

"And if I could give you one?" He put a hand on me and leaned forward. I was supposed to follow his lead. That was how it was supposed to happen.

I didn't want to kiss him. I didn't want to play into his gestures, the Yeerk's trap. I didn't want to get caught, and I didn't even know him.

"Stay away from me!" I pushed him back, hard enough to nearly knock him over in his chair, stood, and began to walk away.

I saw the others at our table look up and rush over. Lauren reached us first, then everyone else.

"Did he just- I mean- did he?!" She glared at Tom angrily, and then looked to me for an explanation.

I began to shake my head "no" when Dani Stevens spoke up behind her.

"No, he didn't. She just got tired of him; he's just trash. She doesn't think of him as a human being, you know that."

_That's because he's not._

That isn't what she means.

I looked away, searching for words to get me out of this.

"Little rich girl, why are you being so quiet? We're not good enough for you too, now?"

I felt my anger shoot through the roof. I was tired, I'd had a bad night, I'd just broken up with my boyfriend- an alien slug-, and I _hated_ being called a snob.

I felt a strange feeling in my mouth, but I ignored it. Instead, I screamed at her.

"Just shut _up!_ It's great being a 'little rich girl.' My parents ,ick me out of the house every time we have a guest and everything I do is wrong, wrong. wrong! I'd give _anything_ to trade places with any of you. And, unlike you, Dani, I don't _use_ guys, so don't even start with that-"

I stopped yelling. Dani had slapped me. I was about three inches away from her face.

Oh, to rip her eyes out. . . but I couldn't do that.

But I could slap her back. I swung my hand, ready to hit her. My hand came forward. . .

A hand clasped my wrist. A surprisingly _strong_ hand. . .

I turned, ready to yell at Tom, to tell him not to touch me, anywhere, ever again.

It wasn't Tom. It was Jared, a guy that I knew vaguely. He was another person- a quiet one- adopted by a rich family. He knew where I was coming from, even though I think that his family cares about him. He understood the system. I didn't care. He'd interrupted my blow.

I drew my lips back in a grimace. He just looked at me long and hard, with a puzzled look on his face.

He touched his closed mouth. I checked to make sure there wasn't anything there.

My teeth were sharp. . .

**_I told you that you wouldn't escape. Remember, only two hours in a morph. Then you're stuck with the animal's features. And its instincts._**

_You-_ I couldn't find a strong enough word.

"She's not worth it, Kat," he said.

Tom spoke up, playing the Understanding Victim.

"Maybe we'd better go and talk about this. Okay?"

I nodded sickly. I didn't care. I didn't want to cause another scene. I shot a "call me" look at Lauren as Tom and I turned towards the exit, walking a respectable distance apart.

Jared walked behind us for a moment, and leaned over my shoulder.

"Talk to me later, okay." It was a low whisper, and I don't think Tom noticed.

I just looked at him, confused. He'd called me Kat, not Kit. He didn't yell "vampire" or "demon."

I'd have to look into him later. 

A half-hour later, we arrived at his house. I'd given up any hope of breaking up with him. I couldn't do it without giving any reasons, and I didn't have any, not that I could tell him.

Besides, he wasn't my boyfriend. He was a slug, wearing some guy's face. Maybe I'd liked him before, but that wasn't me anymore. I was now a different person, an actress.

We sat in his family room, talking and watching television, killing time. Jake listened in on us while we talked, but made every effort to look like he was just passing through the kitchen, just going to the bathroom, just looking for a CD. As Tom started on about the job at McDonald's, and I dodged it, the phone rang.

Tom picked it up.

"Hello?" A pause. Then-

"Kit, it's my grandma. Why don't you go talk with Jake for a bit?"

"Sure. You know, whatever."

I went outside, where I knew Jake was listening. He rooting through a pile of magazines

"A job at McDonald's. Yeah, right." I muttered half to myself, half to Jake.

"Are you going to take it?" He knew, as well as I did, the truth behind the counter.

"No." I laughed. "It could be dangerous to my health."

"What do you mean?" he asked, laughing.

"Nothing. Never mind." I paused. "Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't trust your brother. He's scum He's a liar, too, did you know that? Don't turn out like him."

He looked at me strangely. "Hey, I'll tell him you said that."

"Whatever."

Stupid, stupid! I can't figure out why I can't just-

He looked at me like he'd seen a ghost, and mouthed a single word: "Andalite."

I was speaking out loud. It wasn't supposed to happen this way! How could I have been so-

_You're tired. Just go along with it; you know that it had to happen anyway._

I had no choice, had to play the part. I went for my dagger.

What is your name? Your _real_ name. Tell me, now, or I'll kill you.

"You fight them?" he whispered.

Your name. I know what you are, Yeerk .

"I'm not-"

You lie! Tell me your name.

"I'm not a Controller."

Then who are you? Do you serve the Yeerks? Or do you fight them? Tell me.

"I fight them."

You speak the truth. I lowered my knife, and changed my tone, made it normal. Made it _me._ Jake, I need to talk to you. Later. Alone. You don't have to come. I hope that you will. Tell Tom that I had to leave.

He nodded. "I will."

Where do you want to meet?

"Tomorrow morning. In the woods. There's a side path that branches out from the main trail. I'll meet you there at nine."

Thank you. I knew that he would probably bring everyone with. He probably expected, in some part of his mind, an entire Yeerk army. Or an Andalite force.

So, as I left, I began to consider whether or not to bring a weapon.

6

I didn't have to do anything that night. The Antrim was mad at me for talking to Jake, was probably planning a punishment.

I didn't care. As long as he stayed away from me, I was happy.

I spent much of the night on the phone, talking to Lauren. Explaining my actions.

We agreed that all guys were jerks. And that Tom was the biggest jerk of all. It made me feel better as I fell asleep.

I climbed out of my window at eight in the morning. It was actually something I did a lot. I would climb out my window on Sundays and hide twenty, thirty dollars from my allowance in the woods. Christmas money, birthday money.

I had about two, three-thousand dollars hidden in an plastic bag stuffed inside a rock crevice. I could leave if I needed to. 

If I hid it in my room, my parents would make me spend it. I know they want me to. To end up like them, endlessly in the moment.

I didn't bring any money with today. I figured I wouldn't have time to hide it.

I found the fork in the trail at about eight-fifty. It was pretty far along on the trail. I didn't think I would make it; part of the trail was freshly made.

Jake was standing there. No one else was there. At least, I didn't _see_ anyone else. I was sure that they were morphed.

"Hi."

"Hello. Well, you wanted to talk to me. Here I am. You're early."

"So are you." My voice didn't come out how I wanted it to. It came out silky, threatening, dangerous. Jake nodded in response.

I heard a rustling behind me. Then, a figure jumped out.

I drew my knife quickly as I turned around.

I held the knife up, ready to defend myself.

A tail-blade was at my throat. The Andalite, the one the Antrim didn't identify.

I looked up at the face. Maybe I already knew who I'd see.

I knew the face.

Freeze!

"Aximili," I whispered in both voice and thought-speak before I fainted.

7 

When I came to, I was laying on the ground. Aximili still had his blade at my throat, but seemed to recognize me. He'd viewed the surveillance, obviously.

I felt pain in my left arm, the one I had been holding the knife in. It had landed on the blade. It was a bad cut, but I wasn't worried, I heal quickly..

Aximili, that is you, right? I didn't need to ask, I _knew_, but I didn't know what else to say.

Katya?

Yeah. I looked at my body. More or less. I moved into this morph.

I know. I saw the recordings. Everyone saw them.

How did _you_ get here.

Enough with the reunion. Who _are_ you?

I saw a wolf next to me, a bear standing behind it. The blade was still at my throat.

Can I sit up? 

Aximili let me up, but kept his blade at my throat.

For those of you who _don't_ know, my name is Katya-Semitur-Trintan. But you probably know me as Kit. Except for Aximili.

Why did you threaten Prince Jake?

_Prince_ Jake?! Where did that come from?

He's your prince? I asked feebly.

Yes.

I didn't know. I'm sorry, but I was suspicious. He knew I was an Andalite; he recognized thought-speak. Okay, I did know. But what was I supposed to say? "I knew, but I had to play a part. And, you know those little attacks at night that Marco and Jake told you about? Those were me. A twisted, evil Ellimist is making be a ninja girl from Hell, and I hate it. Sorry. Can we still be friends?" I would have been killed right there, without them knowing anything that I knew.

I understand. Are you a Controller?

No. You can hold me if you want, but it would be a waste of time. And I don't think that you'd believe me anyway.

Are there others with you? It was a bear, this time, that spoke.

No. I promise you that no one else is here. No one knows that I am here. And no one knows about me.

I looked at my arm. It had stopped bleeding. The edges were already shorter. I grimaced, then looked back at Aximili.

Close your eyes. Or I will slit your throat. 

I did so, then felt the dull side of Aximili's tail blade hit my head. I couldn't move. But I could still hear voices. And noises.

"Can we trust. . ."

If she finds out. . .

". . .we have to move while she's unconscious."

". . .hurt. She could die out here. . . "

"She can't find out. . ."

". . .already does. . ."

. . .way we can know.

I was coming to; they were whispering very softly. I only heard those snatches of what they were saying.

They were worried about whether they could trust me or not, about whether I already knew, about my health. That hit would have put a normal human out for hours, maybe days, and they didn't know that I was coming to.

No, I wasn't coming to. I was far away, and moving farther every second. 

I saw where I was laying on the ground, the others talking, Aximili's tail-blade still at my throat. My breathing was shallow, ragged even though I hadn't done anything.

_Am I dead?_ The idle thought raced through my head.

NO, YOU'RE NOT DEAD.

I tried to look around, to fight the Antrim. I didn't care about the fact that I knew that it was impossible that I didn't even have a body. I just wanted to see his face, to hit him, to harm him in any way possible.

I AM NOT WHAT YOU CALL AN _ANTRIM._ I AM AN ELLIMIST.

I shook with something like fear, and another like relief.

_Why do you want me? I'm already stuck with your evil twin._

YOU KNOW WHY.

_If I knew why, I wouldn't be asking you about it, now would I?_ I was already dead; what did it matter? I could at least get my licks in while I was able to.

He. . .it. . . laughed.

YOU ARE BRAVE. YOU DON'T SHOW FEAR OF ME. OR OF WHO YOU CALL THE ANTRIM.

_Just tell me what you want me to do. Everyone loves to just pull my strings._

YOU HAVE A CHOICE, KATYA. 

8

YOU HAVE A CHOICE, KATYA. 

_What kind of choice?_ What was he talking about. I didn't get to choose anything.

YOU ARE INDEBTED TO MY "EVIL TWIN." HE PROTECTED YOU FROM YOUR MORPH'S INSTINCTS.

_I didn't ask for that._

BUT HE DID THAT FOR YOU. THAT IS WHY I CAN'T FORCE HIM TO LEAVE YOU. BUT YOU CAN.

_How?_

YOU'D HAVE TO LIVE AS A LAMAN. YOU'D HAVE TO HUNT.

_I'll do it. It's better than having to hunt down my. . .friends, I guess. Allies. . . like a coward._

THIS LASTS FOREVER.

_I know. I don't care._

I CAN'T HELP YOU UNTIL YOU TELL HIM. HE WILL COME SOON.

I was going to ask what he meant, but suddenly I was back in my body. Completely aware, but pain-racked.

Unngh. . .

She's waking up.

"We should knock her out again."

Please don't. My head already hurts.

Close your eyes.

They're closed. I don't know if I can open them

I felt the sickening feeling of my hand reaching for the knife. . . but I wasn't doing it.

The Antrim was going to have me kill Aximili. 

_No! Take it back! I don't want your help. I'll take the instincts on my own. Now let me go!_

Nothing. My hand was around the knife, I could speak my own words, I could control my actions.

I was free, but I was also weak, full of instinct. 

My hand stayed around the knife.

Aximili! You have to get your friends away from me. If they don't move, I don't know what will happen! I was hysterical.

They weren't moving away.

It's hard, but you have to all trust me. If you don't move _right now. . ._ I left it hang.

I think you should move away, now, Prince Jake. She seems irrational.

I was.

They all slowly backed away. I felt my lips draw back in a snarl. Did I look that bad?

Yeah, I did. I had fangs. I could tell by how everyone was backing away.

The wolf, the only one that had enough time to remorph, was walking up next to me.

It took every ounce of my willpower not to tear that wolf's throat out, but I managed to stay back. Barely.

I think that she's just having some problems with instincts.

"Instincts? She looks like she belongs on Buffy, and you're talking about _instincts?!_ " Marco. Jake's friend.

Slowly, I felt myself come under control as my head wound healed. I edged myself into a reclining position against a tree.

"Marco's right, Aximili. This is a long story," I explained, aloud, so that everyone could hear me.

9

"Remember the mission I went on three years ago? You were so mad. . . I got to go on a mission, and you didn't. But everyone knew why it was me that was chosen. Because of my father." I knew that I wasn't explaining anything, but I wanted to get it across as quickly as possible, even if it meant sacrificing clarity. I didn't want to dwell on it.

"When we got here, there was a pool ship in orbit, and the Visser's Blade ship. We were attacked, and War-prince Jakin took us into an atmospheric chase. We were beaming back to you, all this time."

"The five other _arisths_ and I went to the loading bay and morphed. We were using the DNA that we acquired from the Laman refugees. We were recording at the time. You saw the tapes.

"Jakin escaped the ships and landed and we all got out. But the Yeerks were waiting for us. Three of the other _arisths_ were killed by the Hork-Bajir, along with my prince. Grafan. . .poor Grafan. . . he was eaten by the Taxxons. Some of the princes, and War-prince Jakin, committed suicide; I saw Jakin do it myself.

"Only Barinot and I were left. I ran until I came to a fallen log. I tripped over it and hit my head. I must have landed out of view; they didn't find me. Two days later, a group of hikers found me, wandering in the woods. I didn't remember anything, only how to speak. They thought that I was about 11, but, actually, I was 10. Or would have been. You know what I mean. I was young.

"You didn't know that I was alive. I guess no one knew. Maybe Barinot is still around somewhere; I don't know. So, there, now you know my story."

"How do you know all of this if you had amnesia?" Jake asked. 

"I remembered everything about two weeks ago. Since then, the Antrim has been using me like a puppet. Always at night." I half-smiled apologetically.

There were various gasps from the others. Marco and Jake had told them all about their midnight visitor. Aximili's blade scratched my throat.

I laughed grimly. "You remember me. 'Your secret isn't safe, Animorph. Someone knows.'" I looked at the expression on Jake's face. "Yeah, that was me. My body. I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to hurt any of you, but that. . . _Antrim_. . that demon. . . I couldn't do _anything_!" My voice rose. "It had me indebted to it, and I didn't even want what it gave me. . ." I stopped talking, paused, and started crying. I hadn't cried before. I never felt the need to. I only felt the need to scream, to pace with confined energy, to smile and nod. I never needed to cry before, but I did now.

So I sat and cried in the middle of the forest with four complete strangers, my one-time good friend, and my boyfriend's brother. I didn't think that anyone really cared. I don't know if they noticed.. I wasn't sobbing, I only felt hot tears falling down my cheeks. 

I went on in thought-speak. It was bitter.

So now you know who was attacking you. You know why I had to do it. And if you want to kill me right now because I know who you all are, that's fine with me. I deserve it. Judith and Charles won't even report it. They don't care about me. They'll just get another little tax deduction to torture.

But no one killed me. No one even attacked me. Aximili took his tail-blade from my throat. 

I believe you, Cassie said.

"Why?" Jake whispered.

Because if she were with the Yeerks, they would already know about us. We would already be as good as dead. But she's the only one that's attacked us. And she doesn't have any backup. Wouldn't the Yeerks send _somebody_ to watch and to help attack? She hasn't even tried to hurt us this entire time. Not really.

Everyone relaxed, except for me. Attack or not attack, those instincts were still strong. And there were still large, living creatures next to me. Creatures with thick red-

I needed to not think about that.

Uh. . .Aximili. . . I have to. . . you know. . . uh. . ._hunt_. I shied away from the particulars of it, and I only spoke to Aximili.

Prince Jake?

"Go ahead."

I got up and stretched. I walked a short distance away, the saw a movement within the forest's undergrowth.

I ran after it, aware of the fact that I was traveling faster than I should be. Faster than any human should be.

I jumped! My teeth punctured the side of the badger, near the base of its back leg, piercing an artery.

Humans think that they invented the story of the vampires. They don't know that the stories have a grain of truth.

A long time ago, there were two humanoid species. One evolved faster then the other. The Laman were civilized a million years ago. They created works of art, cities, religions. And they hunted their prey. Humans.

When the Laman saw that the humans were becoming sentient, they decided to isolate themselves from them on a small continent in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. Then, when they located another, hospitable planet far away, they went there with their animals, their livestock, and blew up the continent in the ocean. Nothing remained of it.

They lived on that planet until the Yeerks tried to invade. When they discovered the plan four years ago, they destroyed their planet, and their people, rather than submit to the Yeerks. Only seventeen survived, all on the Andalite homeworld at the time. The allowed themselves to be acquired before they committed suicide.

But the fact stands that vampires, in a way, _are_ real. Maybe not in the way that people think they are, but they do exist, in some form.

It's not a pleasant thing to see a Laman feed.

Everyone except Tobias was disgusted. And everybody included myself.

I guess it's a good thing she didn't attack, Cassie said.

Marco just turned pale and muttered some sort of comment about a cross and garlic.

"Don't be a jerk!" Rachel said in my defense.

"It's cool," he said shakily. "First we have Xena, now we have Angel. Except I _don't_ think she'll end up with the Slayer. Unless Tom- ow!" he cried out as Jake elbowed him.

"I'm not. . ._with_. . .Tom anymore." I blurted it out quickly. 

"Oh. . .sorry. . ." he looked away.

"Besides, Marco, my preferences don't run that way. But I don't think I'd mind the _real_ Angel, though."

That got everyone laughing. Most of the tension was dispersed, and Cassie started to demorph. I was still disgusted with myself, and nervous about what having the instincts, and the looks, might mean.

The fangs weren't retractable. I was stuck with them. The Antrim had hidden them after the mall incident as a warning.

This was going to be hard to explain to Lauren.

_Hey, maybe no one will notice. They aren't that big,_ I thought to myself.

__

Who are you trying to kid!

"Is there anything I can do to help you guys at all? I can spy and fight. I should be able to do _something_. To make amends for what I did."

"What morphs do you have?"

"None. I'm a _nothlit_, remember? What you see is. . .well. . .what you get. . ."

Everyone just looked at me.

"How would you be able to do all that without morphing?" Jake asked patiently. I knew what he was thinking. _ Now we have dead weight_.

"Um. . .Aximili," I said as I drew my knife. "Try and fight me. Don't cut me, but hit me with the dull side of the blade. If you hit me."

I got into my fighting position, just now remembering all the training that they gave us on this form before the trip. I felt more confident, and the moves came to me automatically. 

He struck, I blocked it with the broad side of the knife. I struck, and was blocked by his tail. He struck, I dodged with speed and used the hilt of my knife to stun the muscle leading to the tail. He struck, I struck! Our blades were at each other's throats.

They looked at me as if they'd seen a ghost. I couldn't blame them. Nothing is faster than an Andalite tail-blade.

"I can fight. Jake and Marco didn't recognize me; I'd fought them before. And Rachel didn't even hear me when I left the dead slugs on her desk, and, yes, that was me, too." 

"We can't drag you into this," Jake explained as if he were talking to a little kid. "You should just go on with your life." Cassie nodded her head in agreement.

"I don't have a normal life. I can't ignore what the Yeerks are doing any more than you can. I can't turn a blind eye to slavery. I can't forsake my people.

"And, besides," I added, "You don't have a choice in the matter. I'm going to fight, either with you or on my own. That's all that you can choose. But it would be better if we worked together."

"I'm sorry, but you can't be made to live this way."

"But you wouldn't be making me-"

"Go back to your normal life. You still have that choice."

"No, I don't," I whispered. Then I turned and left. They didn't want me to help. And I couldn't argue with Jake, not obviously. Not if he was a Prince, like Aximili said. It was ingrained in me.

But that didn't mean that I couldn't fight. It just meant that I couldn't let him know I was fighting until it was too late for him to do anything.

I could hear Aximili arguing with Jake behind me.

Prince Jake, for an Andalite, this is a great dishonor.

"She hasn't proven that she's an Andalite, Ax. I thought spoke once in my normal body. She could be doing the same."

_Ax,_ I thought. _I guess that's his nickname._

From the following comments, it was obvious where everyone stood. Rachel, Tobias, and Ax were for my fighting. Cassie and Jake were against it. Marco didn't say anything, except "She shouldn't have to give up her life if she doesn't want to." Everyone took that to mean that he was on Jake's side.

That meant I wasn't going to be able to fight with them. But I could fight on my own.

I listened in on what they talked about. I was supposedly out of earshot, and definitely out of eyeshot, but I have good ears. I heard what they were saying.

They knew of a way to get into the pool that would bypass all security measures. It was guarded, but accessible. There were no bio-filters.

Jake acquired Tom while he was sleeping. Everyone knew that he, the real Tom, wouldn't mind. Nobody would keep him from going in.

Tom and his dad were going up north for the day. He couldn't come and ruin it.

They were going to get in the pool.

And I was going to follow them.

10

They left right away I was faster, so I had time to get another, metal, knife. Ax had cracked my wooden one.

I got in through my open window and got the knife from inside my pair of navy flats. It was just as I had left it. Nice and sharp; a beautiful sight to behold. Then I put my face wrap on. I was already wearing the my boots, and I put my new knife in one of them. I left the same way that I'd come in, and ran to follow the others..

I caught up with them within a few minutes, staying behind them at all times. When they arrived at the place, I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing..

It was in a tree. A tree. 

There was a policeman standing next to it, trying to look casual. But the gun in his holster was a poorly disguised Dracon Beam.

I could see why they would use this as an entrance to the Yeerk pool. It was secluded, easily guarded., and it was in the beachside forests, which no one went into because of the snakes, the copperheads. The paths were overgrown and untended

That made it easier to hide, for both me and the others. Jake morphed Tom while everyone else morphed flies and hid under the collar of his shirt. Ax and Tobias had to pass through their normal bodies first, and greatly appreciated the cover.

Jake, or "Tom", walked up to the police officer. 

"Testing the new entrance, Temrash 495?"

"No. This is closer to my host's home. It's more convenient."

"Ah, I see." The policeman reached into his pocket and came up with a small device. A retinal scanner. "Let me run you through this thing." He placed it in front of Jake's eye, and looked into the other end.

As he did so, I ran into the hole.

It was only luck, a stupid impulse, but he didn't see me. He just nodded and let Jake- and the others- through when the scan finished.

I waited for him to walk in, then followed as the proceeded down the hallway. After about a hundred feet, they all demorphed.

I walked up behind them as they were just becoming human, Andalite, and hawk.

"Hi," I said with both my mind and my mouth.

11

"What the- who is this?" Jake demanded.

"Kit."

"I told you not to come."

"You expected me to listen? Dream on."

Marco stifled a laugh.

"Why did you follow us?"

"Because I didn't want you to get killed. I heard your plan. You were going to spy on the Yeerk pool, all in roach morph. With no one in a battle morph. No one able to fight." I leaned against the wall, toying with a pair of sunglasses I was wearing. I had taken off the face wrap for the moment.

He didn't like my attitude. He didn't believe my reasons for coming. I didn't believe my reasons for coming, either; I knew why I was really there.

I hated the Yeerks. I hated what their ally made me do. I hated being used, I hated knowing that my friends were Yeerks, and I hated doing nothing.

"I guess that I came because I wanted to come. I needed to."

"How did you get here?"

"While the guard was scanning you, I ran through."

Katya, that was foolish.

"So?" I grinned, showing my nice, pointy teeth. "Listen, I'm not really giving you much of a choice on this one. I'm here, I'm ready. And I don't think that you are going to stop me. Or refuse some help."

"Fine," he said flatly. "Let's go. Kit, if you want to help, you can let us land on you." Everyone began to morph following Jake's words. 

I didn't look. I wasn't going to look as they remorphed the flies and settled under my hair. I didn't need to see that.

Everybody on?

Yes.

Okay.

I walked, descending into Hell. Into the Yeerk Pool. As I got closer, I began to hear noises. Violent noises. Dracon beams were going off left and right. I could hear screaming, cursing. The latter two were probably normal for here, but the former. . . it would be better to ask about that.

Uh. . .guys? 

What?

Are there usually a lot of Dracon beams going off here?

No. Why? Jake sounded concerned.

There are now. I looked around. There were Hork-Bajir fighting Hork-Bajir. Taxxons fighting Taxxons. Fighting going on between humans and everyone.

I could hear snatches of what people were saying.

". . ._gafin srin _Visser Three."

". . .Visser One. . ."

"_Jiwham kafo_." I knew what the last one was. Hork-Bajir for _civil war_. Not the Civil War, of course, but _a_ civil war.

It's _Clash of the Titans_ down here. They've mentioned Visser Three. And Visser _One_. Everyone's fighting. I don't think that we should stay. Jake? 

We-

Are they there? a slightly hysterical voice interrupted. Marco.

No. I wouldn't leave if they were, I said. Then I saw a ship. A Blade ship. I didn't know how it could have gotten in there, unless it was stored underground or something.

It was huge. _Huge_. The ship looked like it carried Death himself.

But who was Death? Visser One, or Visser Three?

One of them is here now. They just arrived in a Blade ship. I paused and saw an Andalite form come out of the ship. I bit the inside of my cheeks. It's Visser Three.

Then I saw _another_ form. This one was human, a woman. She had dark hair. The guards were shying away from her, just as they were shying away from Visser Three.

I think Visser One's here, too. There's a woman in the Blade ship, and she looks pretty important.

I could detect some faint thought-speak, but I couldn't make out exactly what they were saying.

We're going to stay, Jake told me.

Great. Get off. I'm hidden here, and so are you.

They demorphed, and then went into their most dangerous forms. Ax and Tobias stayed as themselves, Cassie was a wolf, Marco was a gorilla, Jake was a tiger, and Rachel was a bear.

Let's do it, I heard Rachel say.

I didn't want to think about who I was fighting. It wasn't just Visser Three. The only Andalite-controller. Not just a ruthless Yeerk without scruples.

He used to be a war-prince. Alloran-Semitur-Corass. _Used _to be.

But he wasn't anymore. I needed to remember that.

We charged forward. I saw Rachel take out a Hork-Bajir, Ax remove the hand from a human-Controller.

I had just knocked out a Hork-Bajir when I felt something at my neck. Something deadly still. I knew that to move would be suicide.

But I was stupid. I turned around. There, in front of me was the face of Visser Three.

12

Hello, father.

He didn't kill me. He did something much more destructive. He removed my face wrap.

I stood there with my protection on the floor, wearing a pair of sunglasses indoors. With a very sharp blade at my throat. No time to be cocky or annoying.

But I was dead anyway. And I am naturally reckless. So who really cared?

Or perhaps I should say 'Hello, thing that used to be my father.' That has a nice ring to it. So does 'Hello, Yeerk scum.'

He hit me with the dull side of the blade. I staggered, but I didn't fall.

What, you don't recognize your daughter? You've never met _aristh_ Katya-Semitur-Trintan. Your 'host' didn't get the chance. I grinned, showing my teeth. Of course, she _has_ changed a bit, hasn't she?

I saw something brief and repressed flash across those eyes. Something like grief. But then there was only anger.

He drew back his tail to finish the job. His tail twitched. It went forward. . .

It hit the ground at the last minute! I used the chance, the hope given to me by a beloved stranger, to strike. First, I cut a nerve to the tail. It would be helpless for a while, until he demorphed. Then, a stab to the chest. Finally, a blow to the head using the hilt of the knife, which knocked him out. But only knocked him out.

I couldn't kill him.

The Yeerk was crawling out. I stabbed at it. The blade just nicked the end. It was in pain, and decided that it would be safer to remain in his host. I hoped there would be permanent damage.

I felt hot tears in my eyes, but I kept them back. There were Hork-Bajir on me, and I felt it rip into my side, shallowly. I didn't stop to fight it. Instead, I ran away and helped the others, and tried not to think of the fact that father's body lied in the dust.

We were retreating. Out the door. But we were the least of their problems at that moment. There was only a small brigade after us.

Visser Three was awake, bellowing orders. I startled at his voice.

My feet slipped! I was falling off the edge of the stairs!

I felt a strong, impossibly huge hand close around my wrist. Suddenly, I wasn't falling anymore. When my feet rested on the ground again, I looked up at the person who had grabbed me.

Marco. In gorilla morph.

Thank you.

No problemo. Just call me the Amazing Marco.

I smiled.

They were still following us, but their Dracon shots were wild. They were missing us.

We ran up the stairs and came to a dead end. I pounded on the keypad. Nothing. I tried hitting the door. It didn't open.

"_Huytax!_" I swore both aloud and silently. It was _Galard_ for. . . something I shouldn't say.

The door opened. I started laughing. So did Ax.

Rachel gave us a look. What's so funny? 

The password- I'll explain later.

The entrance was in the woods. Not the ones by the beach, but the other ones. The ones by Cassie's house.

We're running there, now; the Yeerks are right behind us. They're firing at us.

My leg!

I hit the ground, hard. Then I look at my calf. It was hit by a Dracon beam. The blast has shattered the bone. I'm not going to walk for a long while. A very long while.

Ax stops and tries to pick me up. I shake my head.

I'm dead now. I reach into the hidden compartment of my boots, where I keep the end. A needle filled with poison. Bleach. Concentrated. Enough to kill me in seconds. I knew from the beginning that I could be captured, and I knew that I could never be allowed to be infested. I knew I might have to end it before they did.

And I know it will be a painless death.

I give it to Ax. Put this in a vein. He shakes his head, a very human gesture. But a human wouldn't do what I asked, wouldn't understand my feelings. And he will have to.

Do it! I tell him. Then I hand him this little device.

The password is- I tell him my password. Now I begin to end my link to this unit.

He injects the poison into my arm.

Good-bye.

Epilogue

From the Earth diary of Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill

I injected the poison into Katya's right arm. It hit a vein. She shuddered a bit, then lied still.

I ran away, to a hidden viewpoint. holding the small device. Tobias was sitting a nearby tree.

Tobias, my friend! Can you help- can you help with it?

How?

If you morph raccoon, and pretend that you are. . .eating. . . I did not want to speak of the awful reality.

You owe me for this one, Ax-man, he said as he began to morph. 

The three human-Controllers and two Hork-Bajir that had been following us crept up and looked at her body. One of the humans put his hand to her neck.

"Dead," he said simply. 

Tobias went to Katya's side and nibbled at her leg wound.

The human laughed and walked away. "They'll find her here," he said. Then he paused and took Katya's knife from her hands. He cut her wrists and stabbed her with it in the chest. Then he placed her hand around the knife.

"You know what the humans will think," he said with arrogant tones. All of them left, laughing. We waited until they had gone back underground before running to her side.

I lowered my stalk eyes. After the others demorphed, they wept. Tobias demorphed and told what he had found.

She was alive until he stabbed her. . . He trailed off, sounding afflicted.

Four days later

After we had to leave Katya's body, the Controllers returned and put her near the edge of the woods. The human authorities found her there the next day.

They didn't do an autopsy. There was supposedly a note that she had written in her room. Her wrists and heart were stabbed. The leg wounds must have healed quickly.

I went to her funeral with Tobias. We were in the back of the room. They couldn't hold it outside because it was raining. Humans don't like rain any more than Andalites do.

I left a bundle of grass next to the flowers that others had brought. It is a custom.

I saw Jake there with his brother, Tom. Tom had to act like he was upset.

The others couldn't attend the funeral. It would have been suspicious.

They would have ended up like Katya, dying too soon.


End file.
